While going through the aisles of life we often come across hindrances. Some people remain where they are, brooding over their fall while thers make a brave effort to stand on their feet again and overcome obstacles. It is the latter who emerge victorious. It took me three years of crying and lamenting, trying to figure out why we were faced with a situation, which we had no knowledge about. I remember that visit to my pediatrician with one single question, “How do I bring up a special child?”
He very calmly informed me that he would give me a solution! While I thought he Would give me a handbook, he told me the only thumb rule you need to apply is, “JUST TREAT HIM AS A NORMAL CHILD”. This one sentence has given me the direction for the last 33 years of my son Abhishek’s upbringing. The real journey began when he was three years old as I had wasted the first three years in a state of denial and praying for a miracle to happen to change him into a ‘normal’ child. But my prayers did not go unanswered.
The Miracle happened! Yes, the miracle of our ACCEPTING our child AS HE WAS!
I would like to share some of the lessons in life I have learnt from my son. First and foremost, I have learnt that life is never perfect. We have a preconceived notion that it should be, that there should be a constant Momentum of improvement. But it is up to us to gather strength and accept situations, which we cannot change, and accept them whole-heartedly.
Once I took this step the rest was comparatively easy. I also learnt that it is important to be patient without losing your cool. We had to wait a bit longer for Abhishek to take his first steps, it took him time to talk, that too incoherently, to be able to eat on his own, but the pleasure and the sense of achievement at these small steps was immense and immeasurable.
While he grew up we learnt the true meaning of love…unconditional love, and that love knows no rules or expectations. It exists for all of us and irrespective of looks and the number of chromosomes one has …everyone deserves love. I also learnt to live in the present. Certain things are not in our control and there is hardly any point brooding over them. But there are certain Things we can do.
We can ensure a life of dignity, of choices and of love. My son is special indeed. He may not be able to read or write but has a memory, which scans and stores some beautiful bonds and relationships he has developed through his love and innocence. In the hustle and bustle of life we may forget to visit those sweet corners of our hearts, but he doesn’t. This did not happen overnight and wouldn’t have been possible without the support of each and every member of my family.
I now view people differently and try to connect with them by understanding their situations. Aren’t these some of the greatest lessons in life one could ever learn? I did, and I owe it to my son, my Guru. As I mentioned above, the support, which I received from my family, my husband, my elder daughter, her husband was the source of strength for our son. Just when we feel life is settling down, life gives us a kick to face another daunting challenge!
Seven years ago, while returning from a holiday in Canada, my husband suffered a massive brain hemorrhage on the flight and we managed to get medical aid only after 5 hours when we broke our journey in London. It was a long struggle for survival with the best doctors, best hospital for Neurosurgery for the next 75 days. My husband, my biggest source of strength passed away. I was devastated, my family was broken, to say the least, but my concern was also directed towards how Abhishek would deal with this major loss.
To my surprise, after the initial phase where he saw gloom in the house, and with the immense support of his wonderful school, Prayatna, he slowly accepted the fact that his papa was gone. He tells whoever comes to our place, “My papa has gone up, this is my mom, and she is now mummy and papa!”
Abhishek is Love Personified as he bonds and shares his unconditional love with his sister Sonali and her husband, Mahendra. He showers his love on his nephew, Arihaan and treats him with utmost care and affection. It is a treat to see them together. He loves to dance and sing and spreads happiness to whomever he meets.
In retrospect I feel that the fact that we took him everywhere with us, exposed him to all situations, celebrations, experiences has made a happy and loving human being. Also we made Sure we gave him choices, whether it was on what to eat or what to wear or where to go! Our son is not a special child …he has made us special by his presence in our lives. I may not be the perfect mother but Abhishek is my perfect Son!
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