Siblings without Rivalry

by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

I began reading this book when my second child was a few months old. My daughter was three years old at that time. The insightful tools and ideas in the book to help build cooperation among siblings has been a great help to our family. Even today I need to flip through a chapter to refresh my memory as and when a challenge arises. The easy to read format and endearing cartoons which further explain concepts make it easy to read especially if you are a busy mother of very young children.

What truly blew my mind was the realization that every comment made by a parent however small to his children can either help diffuse sibling rivalry or fan its raging flames. Our words should be like a magic canvas upon which a child cannot help but paint a positive picture of himself. The chapter on the roles we cast children in is very thought provoking to say the least. The last chapter has many poignant stories of how sibling rivalry has affected many into adulthood.

The only place I disagree with the authors is the advice at one point to use a doll to vent out angry feelings. Otherwise the book is a great parenting manual to be read and reread till the new way of communication becomes a way of life. I would also strongly recommend the book “How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk” by the same authors as a companion to this book.