‘What is wrong if I have a little fun outside of marriage…?’

‘What is wrong if I have a little fun outside of marriage, it is not harming anyone?’
I provide for my family; I love and genuinely care for them. If I find some entertainment and excitement with someone elsewhere it is no problem. What they don’t know does not hurt.’ Infidelity seems to be a lucrative option – a break from the monotony of a boring and predictable marriage or a troubled and strife ridden one that brings great excitement, feeling of youthfulness and romance.

It is common to believe that infidelity is something that happens to your neighbour or to another person, but not in your own home. It is only a myth that a sexually satisfied partner will not be susceptible to infidelity. Infidelity is a matter of our mind and soul rather than just the body. The body only gives in to what our soul craves and what our mind dictates. This does not imply that you begin doubting your spouse, but rather calls for finding a way and taking steps as a couple to protect your marriage. There are distinctive reasons behind extra-marital affairs and one cannot presume that certain types of family or persons are immune to it. Infidelity is not necessarily nightmare of unhappy marriage rather; it lurks behind and resurfaces for numerous reasons at numerous times even in a “pleasant” looking marriage.

It could be a plethora of reasons that cause people to discard the sanctity of a committed relationship—be it boredom, incompatibility, mundane routines, lack of emotional connect, lack of intellectual connect, unavailability, conflicts, mid-life crisis, personality differences, influence of substance abuse—especially drugs and alcohol, and sometimes even children (when an excessive amount of attention is fixated on them and as a result the marriage is neglected or because of empty nest—where young adults move out of their home and parents are thrown back together not knowing how to connect with each other again).

An affair may begin in unpretentious ways on the off chance that one is not cautious to fool proof their marriage against infidelity.

Here are some simple and straightforward approaches to move toward adopting a healthy standard:

1. Check your thought life.
It is essential to perceive and tune into yourself. Getting into the practice of examining and dissecting our own hearts, interests, and minds is an essential exercise to nurture. If you feel that you are beginning to enjoy a conversation with another person, check whether these are the discussions that you can have before your spouse or do you feel the need to conceal it
from your spouse. Another question to ask, is whether there is anything to feel guilty about a friendship like this? Anticipating the time with the other individual, entertaining contemplations of closeness or obsessing over this relationship are all symptoms that could lead ultimately to an unhealthy decision and perhaps even an affair.

2. Stop looking for reasons to cheat.
It is basic to assume that infidelity or fascination towards another person demonstrates the nature of a marriage relationship. However, it additionally may uncover low self-regard and poor inner experience, which drives a person to seek something that would give an adrenaline surge or excitement. The saying, ‘misery seeks company’ holds true in this case. A cheating spouse may attempt to take unpleasant happenings at home and use it as a reason to cheat. They may pick fights, reprimand and accuse their spouse attempting to manufacture a reason for their activities, at times. Some others may continue to be extra loving until they are exposed. It is vital to recollect that unhealthy circumstances cannot be changed by adopting another unhealthy habit.

3. Work at your marriage.
A sound approach to start what is absent in a relationship is to rekindle the excitement in the marriage relationship. Explore ways to reconnect with your life partner once more. A simple approach to adopt is to give mindful, compassionate affirmations, or compliments each and every day. As you notice their emotional state and react empathetically towards them, you will build your affectability towards their necessities and start to comprehend the effect of your actions on them. Moreover, you may even build your own particular internal experience and embark on a journey to respect yourself.

4. Take action right away and refocus. 
This is simpler said than done particularly if the grasp of fascination towards another or the propensities are solid. In any case, difficult does not mean impossible and the main individual who can really bring about change is yourself. The mind is a very powerful thing which can take immediate cues from self and follow up on it. Before the inclination becomes excessively solid, hit the delete button to erase the contact of the person and help yourselves to remember why an extra emotional connection or affair may not turn out to be so incredible.

5. Seek help.
You don’t have to struggle alone. If there are warning signs, indications, and despite your best efforts infidelity still invades your marriage, individual or couples need to consider therapy. Marriage counsellors are equipped to help couples who want their marriage to work deal with issues related to infidelity. If you are also a victim of either emotional or sexual infidelity, it is recommended that you see a counsellor to be validated, understood and to help you get back on track.