I Felt My Wife’s Pregnancy Pain… … Just Kidding!

Life Beats Probability!
Towards the end of 2014, my wife missed her monthly periods. We were then just two months old in our marriage and Sheetal was on birth control pills. Our married friends said they had never heard of a pregnancy when someone was using contraceptive pills. Just to be sure, Sheetal took a Urine Pregnancy Test.

Like Hardik Pandya knocked Australian bowling recently, the positive pregnancy test knocked the breath out of both of us!

I was then working a freelance job with varying pay; I could not even think of planning or paying for pregnancy costs. Sheetal had always wanted to adopt a child, and was not in the least ready for a pregnancy. We chose contraceptive pills because the chances of failure were supposedly less than one percent.

It’s Just a Foetus, Right?
One of the first thoughts was aborting while the foetus was in nascent stage. That option looked “practical”. I mean — we were not ready, we did not choose this. All we thought was that it’s not a human – it’s just a foetus right? It took a faithful friend to talk sense into our heads at the right time — life had been conceived. It would take nine months for that life form to come out of the womb.

My wife and I realised we were just hiding behind medical jargon to continue our convenient lives — “abortion”, “foetus” and so on. We wanted to continue our plans at the expense of a human being, who surely was at our mercy, and who was indeed alive in smaller-than- microscopic proportions. I felt sick and deeply selfish. We did not choose our parents, family or background (what do you really choose in life anyway?).

Could we really choose to not have a child when we already had one?

Like hapless fielders dismally looking at the cricket ball sailing out of the stadium, we said goodbye to any hope of retaining our “justmarried” status.

Sheetal would not accept the suddenness of the conception for months. I took some days just to grapple with what all this meant. I did not even know how to get ready for the future! Well anyway, I informed my father and my close friends. My father was so supportive! I was relieved to have him and my friends from church around Sheetal and me as we took this unknown journey.

And – I had questions.
* What will happen to Sheetal now?
* She is supposed to fall sick right?
* She will vomit, right?
That one was answered soon enough.

Vomits and a Surprise Date
All of a sudden my wife began vomiting at various times and places. There were times she did not make it to the bathroom in time, and that meant – cleanup. Though I always prefer working from an office space, I am kind of glad now that I was working at home during her pregnancy. Without either parents living in our city, I can’t imagine how she would have handled vomiting, diarrhoea and all the physical changes by herself.

If you’re a new husband, you’re thinking, “Oh! physical change, I got it – you mean, the big belly right?”. No, my dear friend. There is NO big belly until the very end of pregnancy. The first couple of months your wife is going through a lot of physical changes which are very hard for women to take, but can’t be seen from the outside.

So don’t make the deadly mistake I did of taking Sheetal on a trek up Lohgad fort in her first month. Her hands and feet swelled up uphill and we had to take a bus downhill. NOT a lovely surprise date. I am glad she did not carry guns. But really the point is – the first three months might seem to many husbands like “Hey, there’s no big weight you’re carrying yet!” (Please don’t be smart and say that out loud).

On the contrary, the first trimester might be the most difficult time for some wives until they hit the labor room. But I had to hand it to Sheetal. Not only did she survive my surprise trekking date, she made very little fuss about the vomiting bouts and the diarrhoea. While she needed to rest in the initial months, she took most of the sickness and pain pretty well.

For someone who did not look forward to having the baby, I am thankful she hardly complained or whined.

Momos, Gynaec Visits and Divine Rhythms
You have heard about pregnancy cravings? Yes they exist. And my wife was nice enough to have one main dish for her craving – momos! The nearby Kedari circle had a momo stall that I was happy to frequent with my wife. I must say I capitalized on my wife’s pregnancy cravings by enjoying my share of momos too. Hey, I am transporting her – the driver gets snacks, right?

The pregnancy period was also peppered with periodic visits to our gynaecologist. We did not have a big budget, and had heard about a really good, experienced doctor who had delivered couple of our friends’ children, all at a low-costing clinic with basic facilities. We settled with this tried and tested doctor. On one of our first visits, the ultrasound checkup was being done, and all of a sudden I could hear these unearthly loud beats, in a semi-rhythmic fashion. Those were the magnified heartbeats of the child within Sheetal!

The loud beats rooted me to the spot. It made the child all the more real, and in that moment I believe a father was born inside of me.

The heartbeats were nothing less than divine rhythms, and I would learn why in a few months. Four to five months into pregnancy, we watched a series of speeches called “The Heritage”, produced by a church. One of the messages taught us how to rightly view children – they are a heritage, an enormous blessing from God, and we realized that we had been wrong to view all of this as just a big task, a big responsibility. Yes, children are all that – but they are so much more!

Children: Trouble or Blessing?
It’s easy in today’s fast paced world to consider anything that slows us down, an impediment and obstacle. I now wonder – is that why old parents, infants, the sick and the poor cause us irritation and problems? They all seem to be positioned across our lives, just so we slow down and do what is right in each of these relationships. Understanding children are a blessing from God, changed Sheetal’s attitude in pregnancy.

She became thankful about the child, and that for me, was nothing less than a supernatural change.

Pregnancy Education
Yes, I too thought I was done with education (Sorry, future-dads). My wife was quite selfeducated about pregnancy. She would read, and push me to read “dad sections” from the pregnancy book we had got ourselves. Guys, it’s good – get those books and some reading done. Because we did a decent amount of traveling, I remember frantically trying to memorize how to prepare to receive the baby in the back of a car.

My wife also helped me understand what needs to be packed in the “hospital bag” – the bag you grab and run when your wife is headed finally to the hospital. The last few months really ran out like the final grains going down in a sand clock. I remember Sheetal’s friends throwing a baby shower (shower is just a name, it’s just a fun party for the mother-to- be and her friends. You’re welcome!).

It was also a ladies-only party. Then, there were a couple of false alarms about the water breaking, Sheetal having some sleepless nights over it. Then one day, it actually happened – her water actually broke. My mind went into Hollywood “warcry” mode! Braveheart! Gimli and Legolas! Optimus Prime! Charge!!

Two Became “Two plus One”
I remember our friends Anurag and Sonia driving Sheetal down to the hospital in their car, and myself following them on our scooter. Then I was next to her bed, and we were both holding hands. Sheetal’s mother and her childhood maid arrived in Pune a few days back, and were with us, helping us a lot. I remember how Sheetal had decided not to take any pain-relieving injections for her normal delivery. 

I also remember how she shrieked and begged our good doctor to give her the same injection. The doctor warmly smiled at her, and walked away – to our combined horror. Sheetal was left crying and clenching my hand in agony; (we would thank our doctor only later. He was known to stick to normal delivery unless some actual complication came up).

I sat there next to Sheetal, holding hands and doing what was left to do – pray and sing hymns to Jesus, to ease her labour pain. We did this until Sheetal was taken to a labour room. I stood and watched with Sheetal’s mother, as another doctor pushed my son from Sheetal’s womb into our world. Our baby was born healthy, and I nally held the tiny gure covered in clothes, in my arms.

No, I was not overwhelmed with emotion and tears.

Cute or not, that is the question!
I was very aware I had to hold him carefully. And I was wondering – wow, this guy looks weird! You see, our child did not look cute to us initially – pale skin, oddly-shaped face, probably because he had been soaked in a ball of uid for roughly 270 days. I did not feel anything in particular, except that this time I had no one else to give this baby to, if I was done holding him. He was mine.

Sheetal did not like the little guy much at the start either. She keeps reminding me how she had to spend the rst few months with this little “stranger”, until she developed motherly instincts and warmth many months later. I learnt babies take time to acquire a more human colour and face structure. A few days later, polite well-wishers were still trying to tell us who our son looked more like – mom or dad.

I could only see that his face oddly reminded me of our former President, Dr. Pranab Mukherjee! Grateful If you thought pregnancy was difcult, wait till parenting looms over you! Don’t worry dads-to- be — one step at a time. With a reliable doctor, family and helpful friends, you should fare really well. Today my son is two years old, and he’s an absolute delight to both of us (except when he is throwing a tantrum maybe!).

Someday, God willing, he will be a man. To think I would have destroyed a man’s life and future – just because it was a sudden pregnancy! Instead, in this boy we have a life-long relationship. We have a family. He entered this world just like so many of us adults once did. And even if this child does not turn into all that we plan him to be, he is no inconvenience. I know he has entered into our lives for good. He is family.