Parenting with a Twist [Part Two]: Boredom is good for your child

‘Mama, I’m bored.’ If you have children, that’s a pretty familiar phrase heard in your home. It doesn’t matter how many toys your children have or how many activities you have for them, you will hear this on a consistent basis. Here’s my opinion—I think this is very normal, and it isn’t just what children experience but what we, as adults, do as well.

I’m sure if you stopped to think about it you would probably find yourself having that thought at least a few times a week. However we don’t really pay much attention to it because as adults we have a file of ideas that pop up anytime the thought, ‘I’m bored’ runs through our head. So our role then, as parents, is to help our children create a file of ideas as they develop and grow into adults.

In other words, it is our duty to help them create problem solving skills or mechanisms. This doesn’t mean that we have to constantly find them something to do. Instead it means to create an environment and lifestyle where, once it’s established, they can figure out for themselves how to solve that “problem” of being bored.

This perspective helps us remember that we, as parents, are constantly instructing them as they stumble through this journey called life! As small as it is, this is one of the lessons that can lead to an adult in the future who knows how to fill their downtime with healthy creative outlets rather than activities that could be self-harming or, on the other extreme, highly excitable.

Not being successful at accomplishing this developmental crisis could possibly lead to future substance abuse and other addictive behaviors. So how do you help your children with this particular developmental crisis?

Some cuddle/touch time
A lot of times children begin acting out when they want attention from you. They keep coming to you to solve whatever issue is facing them during their play time. Give them some cuddle time. Do it at the beginning of the day so they feel connected to you, and you to them. This fills up their emotional needs and gives them confidence to embrace the day’s happenings. If you didn’t get a chance to early in the day, stop when you can and give them some attention. Get down to their level. This is so empowering for children.

Pre-established activities
Having a few activities, toys or games that they know and enjoy helps you give them options. These options can over time become a file of ideas for your children. Playing hide & seek, hot & cold, a thumb war, rock, paper, scissors, Simon says, statue and so many other games gives you an instant list to throw out there to them. But you have to teach them those games first.

Then there is coloring, cutting things out, gluing things, adding glitter to things, reading, organizing, making enumerable paper crafts. Now granted, some of these activities are geared towards kids 6 and older. There are so many craft activities for little ones too though; check out Pinterest, there’s hundreds. Then there are always a few toys that can keep kids engaged. Especially toys like Legos (again for an older age group) where the only limit is one’s imagination. For younger kids, give them a few pots and pans to bang about, they love that!

Unstructured/Imaginary play
Now not having a set activity for your kids is fine as well. As you probably know, your kids can come up with some of the most bizarre and wonderful games, and they have such fun doing it. I love watching my kids come up with pretend secret missions, pretend ninja moves, and pretend magical weapons and superpowers. They get so into it sometimes and are running all over the house yelling a play by play of what’s happening to them. The best is when our one year old also wants to join in with what her older siblings are doing and so follows them around running and screaming.

An activity corner
If you have a small corner in your home that your kids can call their own it can bring them such joy, and needless to say, peace for you. I’m in the process of setting up a little bookshelf with a desk next to it where the kids can draw and paint and make as much a mess as they want. They love sitting in that corner and reading. Our oldest already draws and colors in that corner without the desk being there.

Having that space gives them another option or another resource they can fall on when they are faced with the problem of being bored. You can easily ask them, do you want to read a book? Or do you want to draw or paint something? It’s a about Rs. 10 for a set of watercolors (in a string of little jars) and about Rs. 20 for a few sheets of paper.

Give it to them with a paintbrush and they can create whatever they want. Try to stop yourself from giving them an object to make or a landscape they need to copy. Let them paint a few lines or curves, or just have fun mixing colors on the paper. And then hang it up in that corner and you have your very own abstract art! Children don’t need too much guidance when it comes to paint and paper. Our one year old loves dabbing a paintbrush in a glob of paint and spreading it all over the paper.

Switch it up
One way to help them is to switch things up. If they were outside, take them inside, if they were upstairs, take them downstairs, if they were in one room take them to the next room. Children need to move! Being in one room for long extended periods of time is draining and somewhat suffocating. Don’t let me get started on the way the education system is set up in India!

Changing the setting gives children a fresh perspective. If you take them outside, then when they come back inside they have a new idea for what to do with their toys and activities. When they were away from those toys for a little bit they missed them, and when they get back to them they want to play with them again.

Take them outside
Even if you go outside for just 15-30 minutes, it helps children re-energize. The fresh air works like magic! Take a walk, take them to a playground nearby, take them with you to the sabziwala, or the tailor, or some other errand you need to run. I know it can be difficult to take your children with you, it always makes things twice as long.

But you can also use that time to chat with your children and point things out, like the colors, the trees, flowers, explain different vegetables, show them how to pay with coins or paper money, or ask them to help you pick out the vegetables or the outfit you are buying. This helps you get closer to them and if you take one child out at a time, and your spouse stays at home with the others it really helps your child as they need special one-on-one time with their parents.

And as you read in the cuddle time, spending that one-on-one time with you gives your child self-confidence, assurance from you that they are loved, and an enthusiasm to face whatever might come their way!

Re-cycle toys
If you are an overachiever and highly organized individual, first of all I applaud you and look at you with envy, because I am neither of those things. Secondly, I’ll tell you this, putting a few of your children’s toys (that haven’t been getting played with) away for a few weeks gives them more hours of enjoyment when you bring those toys back out because it’s like getting new toys! Just keep a few toys out at a time and keep re-cycling them. Do you remember when you were little and you mother put your summer clothes away and took out your winter clothes? It was like getting new clothes all over again!

Clean up
Cleaning up and putting things away not only helps your children learn a valuable lesson of keeping things clean, but also gives them a clean slate when they get back to that space. It lets them start new. If you start with a mess, it’s not as appealing or as fresh! Plus a clean room always makes me let out a sigh of relief at the end of the day.

Kids feel overwhelmed/ over stimulated when they are faced with picking through everything in order find all the pieces that go together.

Keep toys separated/ organized
This might be a small detail but I’ve found that when you set up the children’s toys in one corner of the home and keep them organized in separate boxes/bins/tubs/baskets and whatever else, it actually makes them want to play with them more. You see when all the dolls or action figures or blocks are thrown into one big box together, kids feel overwhelmed/overstimulated when they are faced with picking through everything in order find all the pieces that go together.

It also makes a huge mess because they throw everything on the floor to find that one little toy puppy, which feels even more overwhelming because it has to be cleaned up now. Keeping all the puzzle pieces in one tub helps because then if your child wants to make a puzzle they can just take out that one box, make the puzzle, and put it away once they’re done.

No mess, no fuss. Likewise, when they want to play pretend kitchen, all their fake fruits, veggies, bowls and utensils are in one tub that they can pull out, play with and then put away easily. This system also makes it so that toys don’t get lost as easily.

Play with other kids
Bringing your children to their friend’s house or having friends over gives your child such valuable play time. Not only does time go by so fast when your child is playing with a friend but they are learning lifelong social and relational dynamics as well! If you live in a small community or compound it’s probably very rare that you hear the “I’m bored” phrase but rather you’re probably getting pestered about when they can go over and play with their friends!

Finally, asking them the question, “what do you want to do?” helps put the ball in their court and helps to begin the process in teaching them what to think through when they are faced with their problem of being bored. You can help them by asking them to think through all the things they could do, play with toys, color, paint, make a craft, go outside, read a book, play a game, invent a game and the list goes on.

Each time you ask them the question and go through all their options with them you are helping them practice how to deal with boredom. You are helping them create their file of ideas. Keep doing it with them and one day, you’ll realize that you can’t remember the last time you did it.