A One of a Kind Journey Called Parenting the Toddler Years

I began my parenting journey six years ago. I now have a six year old daughter and three year old son. This journey has been very tough for me but every bit was a learning experience. Once you are a parent, you should always be ready that things probably will not go as planned! The first few months after my daughter’s birth were very hard as she would cry throughout the night until early morning due to colic.

Nothing seemed to reduce her pain. I felt very helpless, sleep deprived and frustrated and most nights I cried along with her. Doctors told me she will have this for six months and that was too much for me to handle. I found hope in my daily prayers and as an answer, my daughter’s colic reduced. By the time she was three months old it was completely gone. But the challenges were far from over. It is a great joy to see my children grow, achieve milestones and acquire new skills. Along the way I have had certain challenges that I’m sure most of the mothers face.

Handling Fussy Eaters
I know this is one of the biggest challenges for moms. My daughter disliked most food. I had to adopt various methods to feed her. She disliked milk so I gave her cheese, kheer, shrikhand, paneer. The magnitude of this problem increases when they are sick. I try to give them little by little at frequent intervals, but it is still a big struggle to get them to eat. There is a big list of things they do not like but most of those can be given in different forms to make them eat. Sometimes I give vegetables stuffed in parathas or as cutlets. They both love dal so palak dal is always a success.

Once I told my daughter a story about how Popeye the sailor eats spinach and becomes strong and how it will make her strong as well. She started liking spinach from then on. Fruit shakes made at home is another way which helped me give them fruit and milk. I add chopped dates in cornflakes instead of sugar and they both love it.

My kids loved to eat by themselves from the time they turned one. It was messy and took a lot of time. I had to feed them along with that as what they ate by themselves was never sufficient. Once a parenting expert told me that I should allow them to do that as it helps them to experience and learn things like texture, taste etc. Within a few months they learned to eat well without much of a mess.

Consistent Discipline
This is the other area where we struggle a lot. To a great extent it can be done through firm but loving instruction. I have realised consistency is the key to disciplining a child. There are times when I ground my daughter for misbehaviour and deprive some privileges from my son for defiance. I do this only after warning them repeatedly to stop. They know that mom will walk the talk. This is true for rewarding also. I make sure that if a promise is made it is fulfilled. This helped the children to develop trust in us. Both parents have to be consistent in this area or else the child will learn to manipulate the parents. Once I told my daughter she can’t go out to play as she had misbehaved. In the afternoon when I was taking a nap she asked her dad and went out to play. He was not aware of what I had told her. Next time in a similar situation when I told her that she can’t go out she immediately said she will ask daddy and go. From one incident she learnt to manipulate the loop hole and I too learnt not to leave one.

Time for Yourself
While they were small babies they were always near me. Most of my daily routine involved caring for them, comforting them, cleaning them, feeding them. It helped me and my kids to develop a bond and trust… but it was exhausting. We mothers need rest to meet all the demands of a child and the best way is to rest when they are resting. I had to manage all this alone as we had no family members or friends staying close by so I got domestic help to help with the cleaning and household chores. It is always good to get some help rather than doing it all ourselves and end up over worked and stressed. It is good if husbands also help with household chores as much as they can. They can babysit the child while mom takes a break. My kids love to be with their daddy as they have some exciting time of play with him. It is important that a mother’s personal needs are met or else the frustrations that we go through will affect the children also.

Nurturing your Marriage
Nurturing your marriage is also very important for you and your children. Mothers get so busy and both parents have so much to do, leaving them with no time to spend with each other. My husband and I have found that we need to plan our time together, come up with a plan and stick to it. It’s worth it if you can spend some time together in each other’s company alone. It is a great example for children, as they grow, to see us and learn from a good marriage. From my own example I know how important it is. I had some apprehensions about our marriage. I thank God for my husband who helped me out of it through the many discussions we had.

Appreciating the Uniqueness of your Child
Each child is unique which I can see in my own two kids. My daughter loves to be outdoors, she is an introvert, and sensitive. She loves to paint and dance. On the other hand my son is outgoing and social and he loves cooking. Story telling helped to put my daughter to bed but it only excites my son and he continues playing. Everyone keeps quiet so that he can settle down and go to sleep. So when my son was born it was altogether a new learning experience. I realised that you cannot have a twenty point manual on parenting to help you to be an ideal parent. We all learn from our mistakes.

Praying for them
One more thing which I consider very important is praying for my children and praying with them every day.

I believe with all my might and understanding I have limitations. Our prayers and faith is definitely is a big support for them in the big world out there. I believe that there are areas where I can do better. When I am frustrated about something I do get irritated and take it out on my kids, which I know is wrong. It is true that we are sacrificing our time, energy, careers etc. for them but children are the parent’s responsibility. As parents we are stewards who are called to look after our kids, care for them and mould them in to a good person. I personally don’t think that I am doing them any favours but I am just fulfilling my responsibility.

So in conclusion, in my few years of parenting toddlers these are the principles that have helped me tremendously:

Be Creative: Whether it is fussy eating or discipline, learn to be creative and experiment what works for your family. Don’t get bottled in by the way it was always done or by other’s expectations.

Draw Clear Consistent Boundaries: Whether it is putting toys back or finishing the food on the plate, draw clear boundaries of what is permissible and what is not and take the child into confidence with these boundaries by explaining the reasons to them. Be consistent with these boundaries and help/ support them keep these rather than daring them to break them. Take time for yourself: Being always closeted with the kids with no time for yourself will leave you frustrated and it will show in your interactions with them. Take time off for yourself and never feel guilty about it. Find ways to do it that suits your situation- work, study, exercise, meet friends- choose what gives you joy, not adds further stress to your day. Get as much help and support as possible from family and friends.

Invest in your marriage: If parents do not have time for each other and are at constant loggerheads with each other, the stress will affect your kids. Build your marriage intentionally and give space for your relationship in your daily schedule.

Nurture your faith: Praying with and for our children and for ourselves helps us take the burden and place it on God. My spiritual side is what helped me sustain through difficult times and it is my anchor to keep the boat form rocking.

Each parenting journey is unique. Never feel discouraged by comparison or expectations of others. Celebrate yours as you strive to make it better!